"Some people don't know how to fall in love, like not knowing how to swim. They panic first when they jump in. Then they figure it out."
I am.
All these years, I imagined the love as the butterflies in your stomach, that romantic look in the eye everytime you see that person you love.
Me? I was sick for 7 days the day someone told me he loved me. HEHE.
Ya, singkatnya begitu.
People say, fall in love with a writer, then you'll be eternal. Sadly for these past 2 years i'm in 'kinda relationship' with someone, i've never written anything about him. So here I am, try to describe my feelings and my complicated story with a numb thumb (baru kejedot pintu dan berdarah zzz).
I'm in a relationship. A kinda complicated one.
When I decided to be with him.
Lots of people against him.
My parents (they still are), my circles, my friends.
Because of the look, they say.
Because of the wealth, they say.
Because of the sprituality, they say.
Because of the tribe, they say.
People easily judge a book by his cover.
People judge him by his outlook.
And if you give him a glance, you may agree with the rest of them,
That I "deserve" better.
But with him,
I learn many things.
I learn that love means accepting weaknesses.
I learn that love means still pursue our passion, yet we have to support each other.
I learn that love means sacrifice. Sacrifice your ego, your self-centered want.
I learn that love means you want the best for your spouse, no matter what costs.
I learn that love means always supporting each other.
I learn that love means you willing to face whatever may happen, together.
I learn that love doesn't always started in romantic eye-glazing.
I learn that love doesn't come in the same way as it comes to others' lives.
I learn that love is not falling, but grow.
I learn how to grow in love.
Most importantly,
I learn all of traits described in corinthians 13.
He is patient.
He is kind.
He does not envy.
He does not boast.
He is not proud.
He does not dishonor others (kadang ngebully orang sih dikit lol)
He does not self seeking
He is not easily angered (hmmmmmm HAHAHA)
He keeps no record of wrongs.
He does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
He always protects, always trusts, he always hopes, he always perseveres.
And if you read this (surely you will), once in these 2 years, let me list down these for you.
I love you the most when you worship Jesus.
I love you the most when you are on stage, playing your instrument, close your eyes and worship.
I love you the most when you are on your drum sets.
I love you the most when you play with children.
I love you the most when you care to the weirdest person in our community.
I love you the most when you always give.
I love you the most when you always try to do your best, even when people look down on you.
I love you the most when you always let others be better than you.
I love you the most when you give your money to the poor when I know there isn't much left in your wallet.
I love you the most, because you love me more than my most.
Idk how this will be end.
But I hope we'll have the happy ending.
As how God showed me the rainbow as a sign of His promises for this relationship,
As how the prophet told you that He will give you what you asked for,
I hope we'll share the good and bad for more years to come.
Imanuel.
God with us, always.
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